Just gonna vent for a sec... a long sec

So... for a while now I've had a very strong desire to be a pilates instructor. I didn't know how to go about becoming a pilates instructor... I just love pilates and want to share such a great thing with other people and earn money for my little family. I went about trying to google how to become a pilates instructor and kept typing the wrong stuff into the search engine because I really wasn't getting anything back but places in New York or California. I was pretty discouraged and had pretty much stopped researching when I was watching Gilmore Girls one day and a commercial came on for Eagle Gate College. I'd seen the commercial before but never really paid attention to it until this particular occasion. This time I listened to it advertise the great quality of their personal fitness trainer program. Suddenly I got this idea that maybe I could become a personal trainer which would give me a strong background in anatomy and nutrition and such and do that until I could figure out how to specialize in pilates. I figured this would give me a wider client base and make me more in demand for specializing. I got really excited (which I tend to do when I think I have a good idea about something I want)! I talked to Tyler, who is supportive of me trying to become a pilates instructor, and I decided to look into it. I went to the website and gave them my phone number saying I was interested and the next morning a... counselor maybe? called me and talked to me asking my interests and telling me all about how Eagle Gate College would be a great place for me. I decided it would be worth it to go see the place and see how I felt and talk about how much tuition is and see if it would be doable with a 2 month old baby. I went and found out that it would cost around $17,000 because they are not a state school and don't receive any government funding. I pretty much lost all hope and excitement right there. She kept emphasizing how important it is to be passionate and motivated in order to finish in the short amount of time the program can take. I think she was taking my disappointment about the tuition (and demanding hours) as a lack of motivation or passion... which wasn't the case. After talking to Tyler that night he told me if it was something I really wanted to do and felt like I would enjoy then we'd figure out a way to do it, but he didn't want me to go to the Downtown Salt Lake City campus if possible because the classes went until 10 pm and I would be parked outside in a garage (where I learned later there had been some problems at times). To make him feel better, I called the Layton campus and made an appointment with their Personal Fitness Trainer advisor. I really liked the campus and the parking was better and I just got a good feeling there. I set an appointment to meet with the financial advisor and left feeling hopeful again. Shortly after this appointment I found out that even thought something like 95% of the graduates are hired directly out of the program, I would be working at a gym where I would have to find my own clients when I guess I thought the place would pay me to train at their facility. I guess I missed that memo. All this confusion started to overwhelm me and I decided this wasn't the route to take.

I started more research on becoming a pilates instructor and decided that I should do like Tyler kept telling me to and ask a pilates instructor how they became one. I found a few websites for some pilates studios in Downtown SLC and one in Bountiful. The one in Bountiful called me and said they only do Reformer pilates but said they are very busy and need another instructor so they would be willing to train me to work for them. That sounded great but didn't pan out. I also got an email back from one of the SLC studios saying that they do instructor training and certification and it is a year long process and she sent me all this info on it and it looks like what I want... which brings me to where I am right now.

Why do people stress going to college at a university or state college to get a degree? I understand it is a must for some fields of study and that it can help you earn more money in others. But heres where I'm frustrated. I didn't know for sure what I wanted to do. I went to school and took english and math and health and PE and such and I got a 4.0 most of the time. I was doing what I was told by so many people would give me success in life. But I didn't know what I wanted to do. So now I have an Associates Degree of Science... which says I went to school for 2 years and did what I needed to to graduate. Then I went to USU and changed my major approximately 3 times and stopped going because I was too sick in my pregnancy to continue going, but I wasn't too sad for stopping because I didn't know if it was even going to be what I wanted but I didn't feel like I had a choice anymore because I was barely going to graduate under the credit limit as it was (before they charge out of state tuition... yeah that doesn't make sense.)

Now I feel like for me to go do what I finally feel like I really want to do I would have to leave my baby boy and put off giving him any siblings for a couple of years. I really don't want him to be an only child that long. He needs someone to play with, but I can't go through what it will take to become a pilates instructor during pregnancy. Not just because I'm afraid of being sick again, but because I'm not supposed to do many of those exercises to that extent while pregnant. I feel stuck and it makes me really annoyed that I didn't do this before I met Tyler or at least before I got pregnant. If I'd be exposed to pilates much before college I may have realized I wanted to be an instructor, but even when I started doing pilates in my second year of college, I didn't consider it an option because it wasn't the way things were supposed to be done. I was so busy trying to do what people told me would be best that I didn't try to do things the way that I would end up happy. I didn't want to disappoint anyone by going to a Tech school instead of a state college or university. I didn't even think to look into those and see what they had to offer because I'd gotten the impression that they were... a lesser education for lazy people or something. Well what good does it do me to go to a college and university if it isn't going to get me where I want to go? I feel like I was in a tunnel where I could only see the things I was told would bring me success and I wouldn't look outside of it to see if there was anything that would be a better option for me. I think it's great to go get that type of an education if you know where you're going and what you want to do. If your field of study will take you to that career without problem. I wouldn't even mind going back and getting a Bachelor's Degree in nutrition and sports science to give me a strong background for becoming a pilates instructor, but the problem is I would have to start over and NOT transfer what I've already done because then I'll have too many credits and have to pay tens of thousands more to get me where I want to end up. I'm young and I shouldn't feel like I'm doomed and unable to get the education I want. I should feel like I have my whole life ahead of me to grow and learn. I love my son and I don't want this to come off as being at all ungrateful for him and the opportunity to be a mom, I just wish that instead of wasting my time changing majors at a school that was running me in circles, I would have looked around and what else there is to do and learn in the world and tried something else before the blessing of motherhood made those other things more difficult.